I have experienced many panic attacks in my life. Some more intense than others.
What I realize now, looking back at my life, is that I have been experiencing them on some level, many times in my daily life. I would remind myself that I was ok in that moment, like a mantra, and it would help, in the moment...but then it would be somewhere in my bodies memory. Just under the surface.
It is only up until now, after a sunami level panic attack, that washed away the crusty hard shell, and has left behind the soft, sweet essence of gods love, that it has become clear that all my panic attacks were coming from a lack of knowing my true self.
My "operation" was so fragile, and so difficult to maintain, that it took all the false strength and energy to keep going on that path. When life would rock my world, my ego went into operation, hence the panic attacks would appear.
Recently I have gone through a near death experience, and I have come through it with a deeper sense of my true self. My soul and life journey has led me to this place. I now embrace it. In this soft place I am more open to the truth, as if I'm hearing it for the first time, I have always heard the truth will set you free, and now I know, that this is true. Panic attacks are still happening, but they have become my friend, for it has become clear , that when they show up, it's not me that's in the panic, it's my ego. It's afraid of losing it's position. So I say hello to it, and then ask it to step aside. For now there is a divine self that needs nurturing and attention, to take back back her rightful position, in the center of her heart, where her kingdom dwells.
So who holds the key to the kingdom? Your stillness, you just need to get out of the way. |
