Born 02/07/1972- white/girl/ventura county
Well, i finally did it and to no response as of this date i have still not heard back a single word from my bmom- i thought that getting the information was the hard part, but indeed the waiting for a response is most difficult.
I have tried so many different ways, and only wish to have a response from her.- Even it be just an acknowledgment of me being born. I dont know what is harder not knowing, or the non-communication of finding out the one person who holds all the information is not willing at least as of yet to confirm my existence. -
Even if it be just to give me information of my bfather and maybe even information of his whereabouts or family even.
This is most troublesome. I am trying to be so ever patient but failing from emotion that how could i have been so wrong that she my bmom would not want to know if i was ok after all of these years.
I suppose that sometimes when we get what we want or at least find the path or direction in which leads us to answers that once we get to the end of the road, its not always what we have hoped for nor is it the end, but merely a begining of more paths to search into and try to understand what it is we are looking to resolve.
my only wish is that both my bparents understood that i am hurting because i am so close yet so far away from the truth. if only they knew the pain and emotions that i have endured just to say that i have had a good life and that i want not much but just the simple acknowledgement that i do exist and that what was told to me of being given up to a family for a better life for at the time of my birth they felt that they could not provide.
I thank you both, but only wish to as like most adoptees, see whom i resemble, whom my children resemble and if medical problems exist, the simple questions and answers that every child learns from their families, but us adoptees are left wondering what and if anything there is to be warned of.
I do not hold any harsh feelings of your life you took after having me, just only the thoughts of maybe reconnecting just because it just seems to be the only thing that would bring my wonders and fantasies and questons to an end. To complete me as a person as most adoptees go through, the unknown to be known to bring closure in my heart.
So i beg of thee to surrender your fears of wondering if it is the right thing to do to get in touch with me, i mean no harm, or hardship to you and your family now, only that i may have closure to my questions, my feelings, my long endless days of searching for you to get the closure that i need to know for myself and my children. |
