“Who Am I?”
I have previously mentioned in this column that I struggled with the notion that the Lord would allow a lesion to invade my liver. During the early weeks of the discovery I often asked the question, “Who am I that you would allow this to happen?” I foolishly imagined that my health should be commensurate to my life of faith and righteousness. The Lord changed my thinking and reminded me that I have ministered to wonderful saints who were living greater lives of faith than I, yet were stricken with terminal cancer. So, with childlike faith I simply asked God to take away the lesion. It was not a grandiose prayer, and it was not a prayer based on the quality of my faith; it was a plea from a desperate child.
When I sat in the doctor’s office to receive the report of my follow-up CT scan, I imagined how I would react if he told me that the spot was gone. Oddly, my reaction was nothing like I expected or imagined. I felt guilt while asking the Lord the same question that I asked three months previous: “Who am I that you would allow this to happen?” I knew that I was completely unworthy of such a gift from the hand of the Lord. It is funny that the same mouth that petulantly questioned God out of a sense of self-righteous indignation could humbly question God out of a sense of unworthiness. I am truly a fickle and foolish child who is desperately in need of God’s daily grace.
I would offer the following suggestion to any of us who have experienced a special touch of healing and restoration from the hand of the Lord. We should be willing to accept all things from the hand of the Lord because His will is always the best. When He actively or permissively allows hardship into our lives, we should gratefully accept it with childlike faith, knowing that He is working toward a greater good: our sanctification. When He allows healing and restoration into our lives, we should likewise accept it gratefully with childlike faith. Let us all live life to the fullest and accept all things with gratitude as they come from the hand of the Lord.
Pastor Holland
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